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Adolescence of Abandonment

Que the daddy abandonment issues now. I thought how much I just turned my sons world upside down by deciding to take control and move back home, and leave his father behind in the wreckage of playing house. I knew that this meant split time between his father and I, but how much time? I remember being 12 when my mom and dad made the split, and that meant full time mom and part time dad. We saw our dad every other weekend for six months before he decided to check completely out of the scenario. I believe that the deep rooted abandonment that grew within me during my father's absence and the overwhelming lack of control brewing in my core during my adolescence was the driving force that pushed me to stay in a situation that was mentally and emotionally toxic for myself. I chose to stay because I didn't want my son to feel one ounce of being apart from his dad. During that time I was continuously making excuses inside my head for why things where the way they were , and like a silly girl I was waiting for the silver lining to break through the storm clouds. Sitting here years later I realize how adolescent that was of me, because the storm cloud was never going to lift. I had to steer my course away from the eye of the hurricane if I ever expected to see the light again.

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